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How do I get my wife to try swinging? - 2/28/2008 4:40:00 PM

How do I get my wife to try swinging?

Men ask this question all the time.

First, there is no tricking your wife into swinging.

Just like when your eyes light up at the sight of a hot woman, your wife is going to notice your attempts to get her to try swinging.

You know your wife best or at least you should- LOL

The fact that you are asking this question means you do not think your wife would be interested in swinging.  You could be wrong. 

You have to start talking about sex with her.

You need to find out what arouses your wife. 

The approach is everything.  

1.  The point is to start talking about your sex lives. 

The discussion could start like this.

The most memorable sexual encounter with you was....

First, you finish the sentence and then ask her to finish it.

The reason you go first is to break the ice.   She will love that you put some thought and effort into it.

Listen to her as she describes the most memorable sexual encounter. She is going to give you clues into what she liked about that sexual encounter. You can start there.

Once the sexual lines of communication are open, talk about positions she wants to try, what she considers foreplay, her favorite foreplay moves, her arousal points (lips, ears, back of neck). Now share some of your favorite foreplay moves, sexual positions and arousal hot points.

Once you get comfortable talking about your sex lives together, other topics like fantasies get easier.

2.  Almost everyone has fantasies. 

Pay attention.  Does your wife sexually fantasizes about a hot movie star.
Almost all women fantasize about that hot movie star.  Maybe watching a movie will help and I don't mean a porno flick unless she suggests it.  Let your wife pick the movie.  You have a better chance of your wife seeing her favorite actor.  Hopefully, an actor she has fantasized about. 
You might find your wife is aroused by Ben Affleck, George Clooney, Richard Gere, Orlando Bloom, Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Ruffalo or another male actor. 
Even better, she may be aroused by Elizabeth Hurley, Julia Roberts, Jessica Alba or other women actors. Now you might have some common fantasies with your wife as you fantasize about your favorite female actor.  Hey, your wife might even be bisexually curious.

Fantasizing about an actor opens the doorway to discussing sexual fantasies.  Of course, it is not likely your wife will actually have sex with that movie star.  Just the fact that she would consider a sexual fantasy with a movie star is a step in the right direction.  

You could ask her if she has ever considered sex with another man or woman.  The cop who puller her over, the clerk at the store, that hot guy at the gym.   

She may say no way would I have sex with another man.  If she says no, then you need to figure out if something is holding her back.  Is she religious? 

Religion can hold back a woman from living out her sexual fantasies by causing lots of guilt.  If your wife is 30 or older, then it could be the social and ethical hang ups that are causing the knee jerk "no".  These women were taught not to sleep around. 

She may say yes. Then ask her to talk about it.  You might even get laid because she will get sexually aroused just thinking about it and you are right there to satisfy.

She may refuse to answer the question.  When she refuses, then you will need to be patient.  Time will tell as the sexual communication lines open up.  She is just not comfortable to answer the question.

The suggestion of swinging can really catch your wife off guard.  It causes all kinds of thoughts and feelings.  Some good and some bad.

You need to be reassuring and sensitive to her feelings.

Examples of good feelings:

1.  Maybe she secretly fantasized about swinging.
2.  Maybe she would like to try bisexuality

Things to watch for are feelings of doubt about your relationship.

You need to think of your wife first when talking about swinging. 

  • She needs to know you love her. 
  • She needs to know you are happy with her. 
  • She needs to know that you want to be with her the rest of your life. 
  • She needs to know that swinging is just acting out your sexual fantasies and it will not risk the relationship you have together.

Bottom line:  Keep the lines of communication open between you and your wife about sex and anything else too.

 Rate it:  Rated 4 with 5 people voting
Comment on this post      


Posted on - 11/16/2008 3:33:00 PM

Posted by - Mike in Gail

This is all so true.....we have been in the lifestyle for several years now and we have not done the full swap thing (yet). But we are haveing fun...

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